Nationals
Living in the D.C. metropolitan area, when I first found out that the 2009 conference would be held in my backyard, I was pleasantly surprised. The conference fee alone is hefty for my budget — air or train fare plus a hotel would price me out in short order. When registration open, I reluctantly got out my credit card, held my breath, and charged the fee.
Since then, I’ve gone back and forth about whether I even wanted to go to nationals at all. Why spend all that money — worse, let it rack up interest on the fee on my credit card — when I’m unlikely to be able to get much out of it? Several times in the past few months, I’ve very nearly gone online to cancel my registration multiple times. The more I think about it, the more nervous I become. The thing is, I’m not just an introvert. I’m painfully, painfully shy, and the shyness puts a cold aura around me people seem to read as clear as if I were shouting for them to stay away for me. I get shaky and fumble. And sometimes, when I’m overwhelmed, I can panic and freeze up and need to leave NOW. Even knowing that romance writers have a reputation for being a friendly, welcoming lot, it took me a couple months after joining my local chapter to even gather the courage to attend the meeting. One time I went, found the building, got out of my car, walked around the block, and then had to go home. I tend to sign up for things and then either not go or withdraw in that window where I can still get my money back. Because at the meetings I can now attend I always sit in the back and try to be invisible, I don’t even know anyone from my local chapter. Every face at nationals is going to be a stranger. Not my ideal environment.
I know, I know. I sound like so much fun, don’t I? As you might imagine, I don’t have the easiest time building rapport, never mind making friends with anyone I don’t see on a daily or weekly basis. I often consider that I should take acting classes just so I can learn to detach and fake a breezy confidence in life’s many difficult (for me) situations until I get comfortable enough to at least be natural.
I also know I’m going to feel like an impostor. I haven’t finished a MS. I’m not going to pitch and I probably won’t make any contacts.
So why am I going? As a child, I was so shy that my mother was actively worried about my future, but one of the things I’ve learned over the very bumpy ride I’ve had through a pitifully uneventful and staid life is that I can’t let my fear get in the way. I could totally be one of those people too afraid of the world to ever leave my house. But I don’t want to be one of those people. I want to be going out, doing things, trying things — even some socially-oriented things. I want to be experiencing life. I can’t let fear rule me. I won’t let fear rule me, whether fear of looking a fool, or sounding like the dumbest person ever born, fear of being mocked or judged, or fear of rejection. I have to do things many, many, many times before I’m comfortable, but if I don’t work through those first nightmarish attempts, I would never find the comfort in the things that I love. I would never know what I love because I wouldn’t have been able to try anything. I never would have stepped into a yoga studio or a pottery class, and I really never would have ever stepped into my very first ballet class, pink shoes and tights and all, in my mid twenties. And while the act of writing is innately so very solitary, I don’t think I would have ever been able to permission to seriously pursue romance writing as a career.
I know I’m going to come down with a dozen or two more cases of severe panic about the idea of attending nationals between now and the actual event. I don’t know when I’ll again get the chance to attend — maybe New York in 2011 if I start saving now — but this summer will officially be my practice attempt number one. The next time I go, I hope to have a completed MS or two (or three!) under my belt, I hope to have been active in shopping my work, and have many more reasons to delve into the business side of the business with networking and all that good (terrifying!!!) stuff. Going through it now to get my bearings when I don’t have much to lose will be good for me.
At this point, it really only comes down to one thing. I just have to remember to breathe. I might also be practicing, “So, tell me about what you write” in the mirror.
Sharing your own stories/thoughts/impressions/musings/ on nationals from any perspective is welcome.
I thought I was mad to go to San Francisco last year. My colleagues thought I was part mad, part daring. I thought everyone would unconsciously know I only ever got a C in English and frown upon my funny accent. But unfortunately I had dared myself to go so I went, shy and frightened though I was (am), and of course ended up having a great time. Just spending time with likeminded people, who’d happily spend more time with a story and my laptop than having “fun” about town, helps me give myself some slack keep thinking of my writing time as working time. So do go, and I hope you have some days full of inspiration and wonderful people. 95 % of the people you meet are likely to be shy introverts who’ll know just how you feel.
Catherine,
Well, I’m a pushy broad… and well… I kind of hope what I’m about to do will help!!!!
April
Catherine, I am one of those people who find it hard to go out of their houses. My father, brother and sister all suffer (or have suffered) from agoraphobia. I’m borderline, but it’s very difficult sometimes to make myself leave my house. But I do. – Back when RWA’s convention was in Reno – I don’t remember what year that was – I got on a plane and flew out there alone. Yes, alone. I knew who would be there, but I didn’t travel with anyone, and there was no guarantee I’d actually meet up with them. I went anyhow. And had the best time ever! If I can overcome my agoraphobia to attend a conference, you can push through your shyness.
Plus, you’ll have us there.
Come on and join the fun.
-Kat
I’d like to make a suggestion- GO. Find a place, when you first get there, that you feel somewhat comfortable and let that be your base. If you need to go there during the day or spend a few minutes taking a breath, do that.
It all comes down to this- you’ll beat yourself up over not going but if you even attempt to go through part of the conference, you’ll feel good about yourself.
I bet if you asked tons of romance authors would hook up with you and show you the ropes. Maybe even a Diva! I wish I were going, I’d offer to walk around with you. (And I’d probably visit that calming place a few times myself!)
As far as the credit card goes- the economy sucks and everyone has debt. At least this particular debt will have made you happy. Sometimes, when you take time to relive events afterwards they are better than the first time. This event should provide you hours and hours of thoughts to make you smile!
Kissa
Catherine,
You remind me a lot of myself. I’m naturally shy and have a horror of social situations. I don’t talk well and can’t act natural and easy with people until I’ve known them for many years. But you know what? Holding back from going places and meeting people isn’t a very fun way to live. I say GO, GO, GO. If you don’t, you’ll regret it. You have to fight the fear if you’re ever going to overcome it.
As for the financial aspect of it, I have to admit I may not be the right person to give advice. I’m always in favor of spending money. Just ask my husband. LOL But the way I figure it, this is your golden opportunity. You’re not likely to have the conference so near you again for many years. I think you should take advantage of it. Just my thoughts.
–Dara
Hi Catherine,
But I’m basically going for the workshops so I can learn as much as possible to apply toward my writing. I plan on meeting people but I’m not shopping anything around, so my goals of networking are much different from others who are pitching and trying to get in the door.
This will be my first Nationals as well (and it’s also relatively in my backyard since I’m in MD). Like you, I haven’t quite finished my MS…although I really should’ve by now it’s just the demands of life that sometimes get in the way.
I guess what I’m trying to say is even though you haven’t finished your MS yet, you shouldn’t feel like you have no reason to be there. If anything it’s a chance to be surrounded by what you love and to learn as much as you can with like minds.
Shameless plug, but I also recommend you take a peek at the Romance Divas website and forum. I think I would be completely lost if it weren’t for all the divas over there. If you take a look around, you’ll see a bunch of us are going and trust me — you won’t be the only shy one attending!
I really hope you stick with it and GO! Maybe I’ll see you there!
so you’re shy? I’m shy too. There’s nothing like walking into a room of total strangers, all of whom are judging you by the way you act–how different you are from your photoshopped pictures, how different you talk from the way you write–and wondering why the hell you’re there.
Yoga, ballet and everything else are things you wanted to do, but writing is private. It’s like wearing “yourself” on the outside. It makes the shyness worse. And I’ve done the whole “sit in the car outside” chapter meetings too. It’s not just the roomful of strangers–with chapter meetings, it’s breaking into a clique. That’s hard. Don’t beat yourself up for it. Anyone would have a hard time unless they were a natural extrovert. How are you at work? If you’re confident at work, think of this as a work experience. Do the whole business casual thing and treat it as a job. The minute I get off the plane I think store meeting. I have an agenda, I have to-dos–everything is scheduled.
Go to conference. You’ve paid for it. High interest sucks, but you can cut down on bills by commuting and bringing snacks. Airfare and hotel are 2/3s of the cost.
Fox (April) says you aren’t a diva yet, and I checked it out. Looks like you need to join Romance Divas. GO JOIN NOW. When you get to the conference call and they’ll come pick you up. If you’re traveling in a pack, you’re pretty insulated. Go on, Cinderella. It’s not twelve yet.
I’m really shy (I know a lot of you might not believe that LOL) and I found it both exhausting and exhilarating at my first nationals a few years ago-but what made it a great experience for me was all the friends I’d made online who looked after me, sat with me at lunch, etc etc. So you can do it, trust me, you won’t be alone for long
Catherine,
I really wish I was going to conference this year. If I was, I’d be glad to spend some time with you so you wouldn’t have to worry about being shy. But, I can assure you, there are plenty of people there who will be thrilled to meet you. I think Kissa made a fantastic suggestion about finding a spot you can go to decompress if you need to. I really hope you go, becuase I think you’ll get a lot more out of it than you think you will.
Good luck!
Lynne
Man… I really want to go now!!!! You have to go for me!!!! Then come back here and tell us what happens!
{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}
You can do it.
April
I’m going to Nationals this year ONLY because I won a scholarship b/c of an essay I wrote and I’m at a point in my career where I feel I really really need to go. I’m like you: incredibily, painfully shy. I have worked through it, I’ve read self-help books and I’m taking a course from Margie Lawson even. What have I learned? If you’re not feeling confident, act confident anyway. Oh, and positive affirmations do help.
Most everyone at that conference has shyness issues. So…you have to go! You signed up, it’s a great opportunity for you, and I believe deep inside you want to go. Besides, now I’ll know for sure I’m not the only shy one there.
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Email me if you want to meet.
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