Where’s Stephanie?
I used to be a big Where’s Waldo fan when I was a teen. I even dressed up as Waldo during one of my high school’s Homecoming spirit weeks. Managed to find a Waldo mask, opted for a red sweater (couldn’t find a red and white striped shirt), black pants, and my Eastlands. Totally cracked up my Government teacher when he walked in the room and saw Waldo sitting in the back. 
But… I know… the more important question is… Where’s Stephanie?
Life has been crap. When life is crap… I have a tendency to withdrawal. Not the smartest thing to do, but it’s how I cope.
Personal life? Hit a crappy point back in April.
Writing? Uber crap from about late April up to two weeks ago.
Thank God I’m not waiting on any more contests because if I’d got one more score sheet with one more off the wall low score . . . I swear I’d burn all my WIPs. All writers believe that they don’t suck. All writers believe they deserve better than that 32 out of 50 they got; or scoring in the lower half of the Golden Heart. But I know in the deepy-deeps of my gut that I’m not a low scoring writer. Just when one’s drowning in crap… you start doubting yourself.
Job? Lost that two weeks ago… due to “budgetary cutbacks.” (It was only a matter of time.) So that can be classified as crap.
And I’ve got a move ahead of me. Moving to Savannah, Ga., in August. I still have mixed feelings about that–I don’t want to leave Philadelphia–but at least I’m not classifying the move as crap anymore.
I know… it could be worse. There are people out there who are obviously more enlightened than me who would claim that I’m one of those whiners and that I need to get over it because there are people who are far more worse off than me.
I am obviously not that enlightened because I’m the one who has to live in Stephanie World–not (for example) the bum who tried to sell me a SEPTA token the other day at McDonald’s so he could buy breakfast–and I’m more concerned about what’s happening to me, to my fiance, to our cats that will… in turn… affect each other since we all have to live together. When I get me straightened out, maybe I’ll start poking around in the worlds of others.
I’ve been tiptoeing around with writing the past two weeks, but nothing has clicked yet where everything’s been fun and I’m lost in my fictional world again. I used to just stop writing until the crap passed, but I’ve learned that if I don’t write at all… that just makes for a more crappy Stephanie. Yet I’m not the type of writer who just keeps writing through the crap until they push through it and all is well again.
So how do you do it? How do you make the crap less crappy, so you can get back doing the things you love (like writing)?
And because I’m not above trolling for the sympathy vote…
I’m a finalist in NYC Midnight’s Tweet Me a Story Contest.
On May 27, entrants were assigned a word and had four hours to come up with a story in 140 characters or less. If you like my story enough to toss a vote my way so I can compete in the final round… I’d certainly appreciate it. (You can vote for as many stories as you like in as many groups as you like.) There’s cash prizes, but I really want to be one of the top 10 writers who get free entry into the Creative Writing Championships.
You can vote for me here.
I’m in Group 4: Secret. My story’s the fifth one down; written by Stephanie Smith.
Voting ends June 8 at 10 p.m. Final round finalists will be announced at 11:59 p.m. June 8.
To quote Bartles and Jaymes: I thank you for your support.
Wait, is that you behind the giant stuffed bear?
No advice, just a congrats on the contest finals and an acknowledgment that sometimes when it rains, it frickin’ pours. Sometimes you just have to keep on keeping on.
Here’s to seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s out there.
Not to make life any worse, but your ‘vote for me here’ link doesn’t work. I’ll be happy to vote for you – especially if it eases this feeling just a smidge. I hate when the crap hits. Been there, done that… bought the t-shirt.
Sure there are worse-off people in the world, but they aren’t you. Knowing someone else has got it worse never makes me feel better. They’re them. Acknowledge your own crapitude, and then kick the hell out of it.
Anyway, I hope things get better for you soon. I’ll check back later to see if the link works.
Stephanie!!!!!!
Crap happen. You need to make fertilizer. Just think, when all of this settles down, you will have a whole new set of experiences to add to your rather deep pool-o’-Stephanie-knowledge.
Just keep chugging away. It will get better. We can’t think otherwise or we’ll let everything get the better of us.
April
Stephanie – I’m with you on the personal crap this spring in the form of family health issues that have caused me to be away from my husband and son for more than two months. I’ve received some crummy contest scores as well
. No job to lose so that could be a positive.
When life gives me crap, I do like to wallow for a bit. And I do like to talk about it! But to kick myself out of the funk, more than anything, I have to DO something. I’m happiest when I’m productive. One night recently, I just couldn’t face my WIP so I wrote 750 words on something that’s just been swimming around in my head. No character names, nothing. Just spewed. And it sure felt good.
My other technique is to hunker down with a favorite author’s book and read like a maniac. I devoured two of Shana Abe’s books in two days not long ago.
I’m wishing you lots of luck in slogging your way out of the crapfest!
Kelsey
*pats back*
When I feel crappy I pour it into my writting. The scenes where your characters feel crappy too. It brings depth to your work and sometimes gives you enlightenment.
Stephanie, things HAVE to improve. You keep going down, but then you hit bottom and bounce back. I’m telling myself that as I’m going through a different crap, but still a bad one. Congrats on the finalling, hoping you will win the votes. I’m going to vote for you.
I’d give you a hand, but mine is a bit messy right now itself. Sure others may be worse off, but who really thinks about that when up to their neck in… well… you get my drift.
I’ve been in that crappy place here for a while as well. Normally I would have melted into a puddle of depression by now, but I set goals for myself, even if my writing sucks sometimes, and I do a lot of physical activities to burn off the moodiness. Doesn’t make the crap go away, instead it helps focus the inner part that deals with it. Eventually, as with all crap, this too shall decompose, break down, and go away. And once it does, those of us now stuck in the mess can blossom bright and brilliant for all to see! At least that’s what I keep telling myself.
Oh, and I voted. Nicely done!