Mar
Writing Therapy and The Magic Words
Writing Therapy
I talked a little yesterday about how characters talk in my head. Today I’m going to tell you how they help me work through my real-life troubles.
When I wrote the first book I was working two full-time writing jobs and doing radio. It was a crazy, stressful time. Then my Grandma died and I sort of lost my way a bit. But writing helped me hold onto reality. I put everything I was feeling into “Charmed & Dangerous,” though I didn’t realize it until later.
Bronwyn’s, the powerful witch heroine in the series, relationships were parallel with something going on with my own life. Mr. Gunther was my way of dealing with my grief about my grandma. Ms. Peggy, the bossy head of a coven, was directly related to my mom. (She’s really great but we were butting heads over a few issues.) Blowing up bad guys was my way of dealing with the frustrations of work and raising two young teen boys. (Two boys who mean the world to me, are incredible human beings, but drive me mad some days.)
What’s funny is my friends and family have begun cluing into the fact that I’m putting my emotions on the page. Last summer “Charmed & Dangerous” was nominated for two RITAs. My husband arrived in Atlanta the day before the awards ceremony. I hadn’t seen him in three weeks, as I’d been out in L.A. covering the new TV season for the day job. We had a lovely evening that night with dinner and just hanging out. The next morning I was getting ready to head out and he said, “I read your book.”
Now this was definitely news. The man supports me in such amazing ways, but he’d never read a word I’d written. “So what did you think?” I asked him.
He smiled. “Well, you’re funny and it’s very sexy. I really liked it, but…”
I gave him the evil eye. “But?”
“I was wondering about that one part where you blow that guy’s um thing off, was that the day you were mad about the _____?”
We’d had a fight over something really stupid, and he kept egging it on even though he knew it was making me really angry. I laughed. “As a matter of fact yes.”
“You can be kind of scary.”
I gave him a wicked smile. “I know.”
I have a feeling that may be why people can relate to Bronwyn so much. The emotions she’s experiencing are very real. In “Charmed & Ready” she’s involve d in several incidents where people judge her by what things look like, and not necessarily how they really are. In the upcoming “Charmed & Deadly” she has to save all the men in her life. Again, these are things I was dealing with in my own life when I wrote them.
In the spin-off “Like A Charm” (Feb. 2008) Bronwyn’s friend Kira is the heroine and she’s gone through a life altering change that has set her on a course she could have never imagined. In a way that’s what writing novels has done for me. Each time I sit down to write I discover something new about the world and myself, even if I don’t realize it until much later. It’s some of the best therapy I’ve ever had, and I have a feeling that’s what’s keeping me sane. (Smile)
Candace Havens
******************
The Magic Words
My fiance and I attended a wild game dinner in Cambridge, Maryland, this Saturday past. I should have been addressing a thousand other tasks instead of putting bizarre things like wild muskrat in my mouth. The short list includes addressing wedding invitations, edits on two manuscripts that are not mine, edits on one manuscript that is mine, and organizing my thoughts for Author Speed Week here at Romantic Inks (thank you, Haven, for this opportunity!). A small part of me is always preoccupied by “should be” thoughts. If you’re one of the lucky ones who doesn’t have a “should be” demon on your shoulder, thank your stars!
The drive from my home near Baltimore to Cambridge, which is located on the Eastern Shore, takes about an hour and a half. I brought a skein of yarn and a set of knitting needles, resolving to work on a project that isn’t related to words. I didn’t take a pen and notebook, much to my regret, later, when a drive through the old Victorian neighborhoods of Cambridge inspired my muse. About halfway through the drive, we lost JACK FM (local radio station of choice) and had to resort to a country-western station. A song came on the radio, and now that I’m trying to find the artist and the title, I can’t. Those things didn’t matter, not in the face of her voice and words. The sheer power of her angry voice, the strength of her injured and defiant words, overwhelmed me. I instantly knew I had to write about words this week.
My first book, MATING CALL, book one in a paranormal romance trilogy about a reluctant witch and her connection to dragons, was released by Freya’s Bower in January of this year. Since the contracting, and subsequent release of, MATING CALL, I have written many, many words. Not a million, not even close, but certainly more than I have written in some time.
Lately, I’ve been writing about writing, in interviews, emails, chats and blogs. Everybody wants to know how long I’ve been writing (I’ve considered myself a writer for 15 years) but nobody has asked what I’ve been writing for 15 years, that I only have a scant handful of novellas and half-finished novels to show for my time. Nobody’s asked, and you may not even care, but I want to answer, because it’s something I periodically ask myself when I realize that some authors have 17 titles to their name and I have a mere (”mere” in my overachieving mind) one.
After the first novel attempt at age thirteen (terribly embarrassing Native American/English girl bodice ripper), I didn’t write anything especially noteworthy—some bad poetry about rocks on the moon and virginity (you can probably find them on the web, if you’re really that curious and you’re up on your investigative skills), a handful of local interest articles for the high school paper, and term paper assignments made up the bulk of my word output. Between 18 and 23-ish, I wrote some rough books, did a great deal of text-based roleplaying online, and wrote obituaries for a community newspaper subsidiary of the Boston Herald, and learned (self-taught) grantwriting for a nonprofit music school. Between the obituary job and the music school job, I started to realize that words can be used for more than entertainment. I figured out that words are also agents of comfort and dignity, opportunity and hope.
I went back to college after the music school job, and that’s where I learned to do the greatest thing I’ve ever done with words: help other people find their own. I had peer-critiqued for friends before I started working as a writing tutor in the learning resources center, but that was different—that was for people who already knew how to find and use words. Tutoring non-writers, often people who didn’t even speak English as a first language, was (is) a vastly different experience. Some individuals I worked with didn’t even know what an adjective was; other individuals had wonderful, moving, brilliant stories to tell but didn’t know how to move the words from their native languages and into the English language. And discoveries didn’t stop with “finding the right word”! I had the opportunity to help students find ideas, to help them find questions to ask, to help them learn how to explore and learn how to learn. If you’ve ever had the opportunity to teach someone about words, you know what I’m talking about. As soon as a child learns a word, the entire world falls into their hands, and they reach for more words, reach for more of the world. The same thing happens with adults. One of my students stuck with me over the course of three semesters, as she moved through four different levels of ESL courses and finally wrote her way into the “normal” English 101 class. Her first-and-foremost goal was to find the words to not only sufficiently, but also powerfully, talk about the opportunities that she had as an American woman, and how they differed from her life as a Haitian woman. (If you ever have an opportunity to volunteer your time, or even hire out your time, as a writing or ESL tutor, take it. It’s an experience unlike any other.)
The words I write these days, and the little bit of “teaching” I do, is nowhere near as significant as the writing and teaching I did then. Right now, my words don’t matter to many people. They’re entertainment. But when words matter, they’re magic. They’re freedom, forgiveness, and medicine; they’re success, strength and connections. They’re dreams and desires. I’m remembering all this again, now—I’d forgotten it—because of opportunities I’ve had since I stumbled across Freya’s Bower, which is more and more a community of men and women who value words for words’ sake, who value unique words and words that don’t fit the norm.
So that’s what I’ve done with 15 years as a writer, and 23 years as a reader. Tell me what you’ve done with your years as writers or readers or both for a chance to win a $10 gift certificate to Freya’s Bower. You’ll have another opportunity to enter the drawing when I blog again on Friday.
–
Emily Ryan-Davis
Visit me at http://www.emilyryandavis.com
Candace, thanks for making me laugh! You had a character…Really? OMG.
Emily, I just got into this whole writing thing about 2 years ago (has it been that long already?). Before that, I was a reader. Now I don’t think I could ever be just one. Thanks for sharing some of your journey.
March 27th, 2007 at 6:43 amCandace. I’m the same. The short stories I bash out when stressed or upset usually find a place in my novels, I just change them to fit the people in it. But I know they are there and what they meant to me at the time, even if no one else does.
At some points in my books I even know what was going on around me at the time of writing. During the sex scene in Charade, I was shouting at my boys to stop bloody fighting and please be quiet while I just write this bit down. No? Well if you don’t you’re going to bed early, all right? All while tapping away writing about willies.
And one line in Quits was desperate to be typed out but my body needed the toilet… I didn’t want to lose that sentence. That was a struggle, I can tell you. I wrote instead of rushing to the loo…
:o)
Emily. Muskrat, I don’t even know what one is but don’t fancy eating it. I agree with you on words. They can bring such a range of emotions. Amazing that one sentence can reduce someone to tears, yet rearranged can make someone laugh.
I started writing when small. Wrote until about 13 years ago, then had a ten year break due to life-issues and self-doubt in my abilities (what a waste of years now I look back on it!) and now I’m back to writing full time. Um, yeah, after editing other people’s books, that is.
:o)
March 27th, 2007 at 6:49 amI wasted a lot of time not writing, as well, ME. Looking back at it now, I realize that a less than idea relationship had left me perpetually lonely, even with the other person living under the same roof. I couldn’t deal with the solitude of writing by myself, so I poured my energy into writing with other people (hence the online RPGs). No more loneliness (most of the time), and now I’m writing away a storm.
Muskrat: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muskrat
Lacey, as a reader, did any books ever really grab you? Not in a “wow, that was really good, I’ll put it on the keeper shelf” generic sort of way, but more a “wow…that’s life-changing” way? What’s your favorite book? I have so many I love, but Orson Scott Card’s HART’S HOPE is my Book That Inspired Me. I’ve read it over and over - I just love the way he uses words in that novel, and the heartwrenching way that messages come through the prose.
March 27th, 2007 at 7:32 amGREAT posts, you guys. I find it interesting to see how other authors work (and how real life intrudes into the writing - LOL).
Rhonda
March 27th, 2007 at 8:21 amCandace - Thanks for sharing your therapy. I need to use my writing as such. I’m SO trained to bottle my emotions that it’s hard to release them even in my writing. I’ll be much healthier if I’m “kind of scary” too!
Emily - Absolutely. Words are powerful. Spoken or written, they’re magic. The scary part is that the magic can be empowering or devastating … and learning to perceive the often subtle differences is the hardest lesson we ever learn. To be open enough to absorb the empowerment while deflecting the devastation … that’s true wisdom.
March 27th, 2007 at 8:45 amCandace- Like a Charm, Kira’s story… I cannot wait! Also, that story about your husband reading your book is so funny. And you make an excellent point.
I can’t wait to read Charmed and Dangerous now, even to see what Bronwyn did… hmmm….
March 27th, 2007 at 9:01 amEmily… that is such a great answer to what have you been writing? Did a lot of ideas come to you with all of the different types of writing you did?
Also, that game dinner. I would have lasted maybe .7 seconds hahaha. muskrat? for real?
March 27th, 2007 at 9:05 amTotally for real, Laura! I was very apprehensive going into it, but my dad was a hunter, so I’m not entirely unfamiliar with the concept of eating wild animals. I like venison, and look forward to any opportunity to have it. It’s not like going to the grocery store and grabbing a pack of ground beef.
I confess, however, that the muskrat was a VERY tiny, teensy-weensy bit. It didn’t even count as a bite. More like a sliver, and I must’ve been making faces the whole time, if the laughter around the table was any indication. It’s the texture that I can’t take, more than the flavor–fish-texture and rabbit-flavor shouldn’t go together!
For ideas…yes and no. I can definitely see some of my influences in the characters I create, but by the time they go from experience to idea, I have a hard time pinpointing exactly what inspired me. Right now, many of my inspirations come from different aspects of life. During the same stretch of time as tutoring on campus, I was also going through a miscarriage, a break-up, worries about my mom, who had very serious health issues for several years. The emotional elements of my life get into what I write far more than the intellectual. Even today, when I’m much happier, much more secure and feel safer (emotionally and physically), the emotional things get in first. If my fiance says or does something, or demonstrates some quality that touches me down deep, my hero says or does the same thing in my WIP. It’s very transparent.
I’m much more inspired by the teaching/learning when it comes to editorial or critique work. Ten years ago I would have snidely told someone whose prose I didn’t like exactly what I thought, probably using harsh words like pretentious/florid/etc., and advising them to stop writing altogether. Now I’m a kinder, gentler, more understanding person and I realize everybody’s words are important to them in some way, for some reason. That understanding helps me allow others to have their own voices, rather than trying to impose mine over theirs. (I have natural alpha-female tendancies. Sometimes not the best quality.)
March 27th, 2007 at 9:21 am“Emily - Absolutely. Words are powerful. Spoken or written, they’re magic. The scary part is that the magic can be empowering or devastating … and learning to perceive the often subtle differences is the hardest lesson we ever learn. To be open enough to absorb the empowerment while deflecting the devastation … that’s true wisdom.”
How long did it take you to realize this, Debbie?
For a long time, I was very - what’s the word? bitchy? horrible? both of those? - about my opinion of “good” writing and “waste of time” writing. I remember (and very, very much regret) giving an extremely harsh set of criticism to somebody who respected my opinion, and cared about me, when I was younger (who on earth asks an 18 year old for advice, anyway? I was neither smart nor even close to wise, but I only realize that now, of course)
I forget what I said to him, but whatever it was, he stopped writing. I didn’t even realize my words had such an effect on him until a couple years later when I ran into him again, and he told me that he’d stopped writing because what I said hurt so much. I count that as among my Most Ashamed of Myself moments in life, and figure it was just karma when, about four years ago, I shared a story I was very proud of with a different friend who turned around and told me that my prose was so florid and self-indulgent that he couldn’t read past chapter three. I learned my lesson very well.
March 27th, 2007 at 9:29 amCandace: My family can always tell when I’m writing. I’m in a better mood
Emily: I’ve always worked in libraries or school (okay, except for a short stint as a bill collector). My grandmother was a small town librarian and got me hooked on reading.
I began writing after college…ah, many moons ago….
I try and write 20 hours a week. TRY!
March 27th, 2007 at 10:27 amI have written many journals over the years. In recent ones, I just burn what I write. Why? Because I am usually writing when angry or something is bothering me and the only way I discover what it is is with a pen and paper (computer writing doesn’t work for me. LOL)
I have never really entertained the idea of being an author for more than a few minutes at a time. However, I love to edit and help others refine their ideas. Even when something is horrid, I cannot bring myself to be unkind to someone. A rejection is often couched as kind of a manner as I can. The worst I have ever seen was a poem where the author rhymed “wrong” with “prong”. It was supposed to be a love poem. Needless to say, it did not work very well. English was not her native language, but she tried.
Emily: Thank you for the lovely compliment about Freya’s Bower.
Candy: When my sister was killed in a car accident, I stopped journaling. Biggest mistake I made. Now I write regardless of what is going on, even if the writing will never see the light of day, but a match instead. It certainly helps keep me sane. LOL
Marci
March 27th, 2007 at 1:14 pmI am not a writer but as a reader books have affected me tremendously. Right now I am a stay at home mom of two kids, a 5 month old baby girl and a 3 1/2 year old boy. Reading is escape for me in the evenings. Books help me relax and they have also been of comfort to me. I remember reading a book one time when my grandmother died some years past that touched me and made me cry. It helped to be able to shed those needed tears so that I could work through the grieving process.
March 27th, 2007 at 1:30 pmGreat posts, ladies!
I’m over here laughing out loud! Keep ‘em coming!
Cherie…I hear ya. I use my wonderful books to escape, too. With kids, sometimes life is overwhelming…but so worth it.
March 27th, 2007 at 1:48 pmMargo, I’m a dangerous woman where libraries are concerned. I’m not proud to admit to my inability to return a book once it’s in my greedy little hands. I love them too much to share! I only allow myself library visits under the condition that I take notes or make photocopies and never leave with a book. It’s best that way.
March 27th, 2007 at 9:34 pmMarci, have you ever read any of Julia Cameron’s books? The Artist’s Way, Vein of Gold, etc.? She employs “Morning Pages,” a minimum of three handwritten pages every morning as a brain-dump, muse-wakeup, emotional purge exercise. Morning pages should never be seen by anybody but the writer. Vein of Gold is one of my favorite books. I don’t consistently keep morning pages - too disorganized, too undisciplined - but the exercise has undeniable merit.
Freya’s Bower compliments are well deserved. No thanks necessary!
March 27th, 2007 at 9:38 pmCherie, I wasn’t the most socially successful child or teenager. Books provided me the companionship I didn’t have in the form of friends my own age. I had hundreds upon hundreds of books when I moved away from home at 19 - had to leave them with my mom because I had nowhere to put them. I was so sad when they were all ruined by water damage in a storage shed! To this day, I still find them very comforting objects. Just as good as the most well-chewed security blanket.
March 27th, 2007 at 9:41 pmHi, its great to visit here!
March 27th, 2007 at 11:41 pmI know as a reader, I sometimes miss the characters after the book and series are finished. I remember a historical that was fourth in like a connected book and when there was a ball and the hero/heroine from the 3 previous books were at the ball, I was so thrilled to re-visit them! So they feel real to me and get to me emotionally too.
These last couple of years as I struggle with my health and many endless waiting in waiting rooms and treatments that books have been the best for me emotionally. I get to escape to inside the story so that I can feel some joy and to get a break from thinking about all I’m going through. I remember when they recommended reading to help me deal with the pain, I told my hubby, ’see they said i can buy more books’ and we were laughing hysterically! So he too knows how much they do for me.
Lastly, I love all genres, but favorites have been historicals. And at times, I think of myself at those balls and in those beautiful clothing, and reading the story is like being there right in the novel seeing it all unfold.
This was a great post!
Candace - I really appreciate the story about your grandmother and working the emotions you feel into your writing. I have a scene in my WIP that I wrote and literally cried the whole time. Not gulping sobs, but enought to blur the screen. My first critique, thank goodness, was at least, didn’t trash it. I expressed the feelings I had in a very similar situation and luckily they came out, dare I say ‘real’?
Emily - I so agree with you about writing. My problem now is turning off my internal editor (Candace is shaking her head at this I can tell). My day job requires me to edit everything and second guess what I’m saying and how I’m saying it as I go - mostly because I can’t take three days to write it up. Unfortunately, the reality when you deal with political bureaucrats and government types! Anyway, I have noticed that since I am devoting more time to my WIP, which requires I get the idea down quick or its gone, I have more typos and left out words than normal in the day job… Embarassing to say the least - especially when it’s too late to get it back!
So, it’s a challenge, channeling the words for one purpose and allowing them to have a free-for-all at others.
As a reader, I need the escape of someone else’s creativity to take me away. I have read romantic fiction going on (OMG) 27+ years? I started young! I swear (8th grade). It has always played that role for me. When my life wasn’t going well, I could live someone else’s for a while. Books helped put my life into perspective. Which is what I think all readers want in a way. A way to say, I dream this or realize that about me now.
March 28th, 2007 at 12:27 amYou guys are all so wonderful… Books are my last escape too. Though I sometimes find myself editing when I read, I’ve tried really hard to stop. Since my day job is as a tv and film critic, books are my last form of entertainment!
Lynn, send that internal editor on vacation when you are writing.
Alaska might be good.
March 28th, 2007 at 7:34 am