Aug
Carry on!
Hello everyone!
Well let me tell you what is discouraging to me right now.
Yes I’m a wife and mother to two great boys.
Yes I’m back to work now part time and trying to make ends meet.
Yes I do housework, laundry, even dishes and occasional dusting. 
And I’ll freely admit it: Yes I am a romance writer as well! The only problem with that…My family doesn’t approve. Well my brothers are all for me being published, my sisters understand, and my Mom is writing a book of her own..Children’s fantasy. But my father….That’s another story.
My Dad is a very religious man, that he can at times take to extremes…And he admits to that. I showed him a certain item a Romantically Inclined mug which I’d bought that has my name, and the name of every RI lady on it. I was so happy when I explained what RI was. Then he gets this look of concern and said in a nutshell I shouldn’t be doing that kind of writing cause its pornography.
You could’ve heard crickets chirping, I was so stunned. He had always been okay with the idea of me writing, he just thinks I should leave the love scenes out. Sorry but I do write one or two love scenes per book, and have no intention of leaving it out simply because he doesn’t like them.
Honestly, no one in my family reads romance except myself. My step-mom (who’s married to my dad) used to read them, but she just made the conscious decision to stop…My dad thinks I should do the same! lol. Sorry, ain’t gunna happen.
To me on the topic of romance books, unless you’ve read one all the way through, please don’t pass judgment or ridicule or bash the women who not only read, but write (published or yet-to-be-published) romance.
In a nutshell this has been good for me in a way because I stood up to my dad and said “You don’t have to like what I’m doing, you don’t have to read the book, it’s not pornography, and if you feel that way, I’m sorry but I can’t change that opinion for you. Love ya Dad.”
So despite it all, I will be persistant, I will be a published author with or without the support of my family. I’m living the dream and making it happen for myself, not for anybody else!
Has anything like this happened to you? Tell me about it!
Very much so Michelle.
My in-laws think that nothing is worth doing unless you see the pay-off right away. Or you work 90 hours a week out in the hot sun. Sorry but I don’t think I’ll be taking my pc outside just to qualify lol.
Just this week the father-in-law has threatened to take away my internet as if I were a child or something. Let me make a few things clear real fast so ya’ll might understand better. We agreed to move to LA with the in-laws, which meant my husband had to give up his job. Well they knew I had to be online 1) to keep this group, the group I started up and running and 2) I do graphic designs and you gotta be online for that and 3) I had the RI store in the works and you just can’t upload images if your not online. So they knew I needed online.
The mother-in-law always had a fit for us using the phone line so we talked her into getting dsl. Which btw you might be asking why we don’t have our own phone line or whatever…well they said no. Something about their house, their rules.
Anyhow back to the point. We got dsl, which makes my business so much easier and takes a ton of stress off of me. Well the father-in-law decided he wants to work from home in the evenings and instead of buying the cables to run to his pc he has decided I dont need dsl because I don’t make enough money to worry about it.
EXCUSE ME! Talk about no respect. I am working my bum off to put my name out into the world of writing and other various things I love and he wants to take it all away from me.
You can ask Isabel, I was so upset it was making me sick. Just because what I do doesn’t make me millions within the first day doesn’t mean I should give up on it. If I went by that rule I would have given up on writing romance long time ago.
So back to the point, yes Michelle, I understand your pain. It’s hard to deal with family (or in-laws) that don’t respect you or your passions and can frankly be rude about it.
And just for the record, I don’t know of any business that was an over-night money tree. You’ve gotta work at these things.
Michelle, I think we need to go to some sort of “vent-r-us” place and then have tea lol.
Hope things get better for you.
August 25th, 2006 at 12:32 amMajor hugs ladies. This kind of stuff “sucks the white wonder” as my mother likes to say.
Lack of support and respect can be such a body blow.
August 25th, 2006 at 12:57 amMy boyfriend isn’t supportive of this at all. I originally wasn’t going to National because he threatened to put my stuff out in the yard if I did. (Don’t know how the apartment complex would have felt about that…)
I only “got to go” because his friend booked them a 1-week hotel in the Red Light district the same week of Atlanta. Let’s think about the hipocrasy here…
So anyway. He’s really mad right now because I started another book when he pretty much begged me to stop writing altogether. As in, “I let you write one, now the least you can do is be happy you have it.”
Anyway, I totally understand!
August 25th, 2006 at 7:43 amMy mom knows I’m writing a romance and she’s fine with it–in fact, she bragged about it to my aunt. That being said, she’s never read one herself, so I’m not sure if she knows about “love scenes” or not.
My grandfather (who is an elder at my church) would probably be appalled. Oh well, what he doesn’t know, won’t hurt him.
My in-laws (including siblings) are divorced (yes, pretty much all of them) and could probably care less since none of them read. They all live in Florida, so they do their own thing, we do our own thing. (We live in Georgia)
As for my sisters, one says, “oh, that’s cool”–meaning, she doesn’t read not that she doesn’t care. My other sister (the one that went with me to the RWA signing) is thrilled that I’m writing my own book and reads it when I’ve written something new. She’s a huge support.
Then there’s my husband…ah, yes. Despite the fact that he’s never read an entire book in his life, he said he would read mine. He is a huge support to me as well. He was so excited that I wanted to write my own book, that he bought me my laptop last Christmas. He’s a keeper!
Michelle, I’m sorry that your father is being so rotten to you about something that you’re very passionate about. Please know that you will always have support from your best friends and cyber-buddies here at RI and on the net.
(((hugs)))
August 25th, 2006 at 7:49 amI’m sorry you have to deal with that, Michelle. And Lacey, I am half-laughing, half-crying at your BF’s reaction to book #2. The appropriate response, BTW, is “Hey, Picasso didn’t stop after one painting!”
I haven’t even told my family that I’m writing romance novels. My husband knows, but he’s not the least bit interested in reading it (thank goodness!–you should see my post on my blog yesterday if you want to understand that comment, because I’m not writing it twice, LOL!) and he certainly doesn’t want me working on it when he’s around (because that constitutes not spending my time with HIM!). I’ve only told three other people I know in my real life: my best friend of 25 years, the mother of one of my son’s friends, and a coworker (who’s gay, so for some reason, I can tell him ANYTHING, LOL). Thankfully, they were supportive.
I haven’t been able to bring myself to tell my mother, sister, etc. And would dream of telling my straitlaced, hyper-religious MIL, though I love her dearly. Why won’t I tell? Again, you gotta read my blog. I ain’t doin’ it twice :->!
August 25th, 2006 at 8:36 am(((group hug)))
The only person in my family who knows I’m writing a book is my mother. She thinks I’m writing the next Garcia-Marquez novel (LOL until I had tears in my eyes). That said she’s known for a long time I wanted to do this. At this point in our lives when I get published mom won’t care if I wrote books on how to watch paint dry on the wall, she’ll do the happy dance.
I do have relatives who would find fault with what I write and read. In fact, I don’t speak to one branch of the treat because one day I put my foot down and said, “You don’t support me, feed me, clothe me, or put a roof over my head, let me BE!” That was the end of that. I’m sad over this episode in my life…
As for my co-workers they don’t know, they know I love to read but they don’t know about my “other job”
It’s better that way, they’d be curious about it, ask question, laugh a little and wish me luck, but still it’s not time they know about it.
Now the DH…, he doesn’t care what I write as long as I write. He’s wise and frequent words on this career choice? “Don’t tell me you want to write, write and then talk to me.” He can tell I get so excited and can barely put two words together and say them when I have ideas floating in my head. Like Jacqueline, I try not to work on my book while he is around. We really don’t get to spend that much time during the week as we both have full time jobs and sometimes our schedules don’t coordinate. So I do my best to work when he is sleeping or at work or doing his own thing. But overall DH gets it. He’s a big dreamer like me, I encourage his big dreams he supports mine.
Ladies, what I’d tell you is for you to keep on writing and keep dreaming big. I always think of what Walt Disney said, “All our dreams can come true- if we have the courage to pursue them.”
You can make it happen, whether is getting published or learning to ballroom dance, anything is possible as long as we don’t quit!
Hugs,
August 25th, 2006 at 9:39 amIsabel
Sigh. I really dislike hearing stuff like this. Okay, so the ‘big girl’ in me simply wants to excuse all those nay sayers out there with a “they don’t read it and they don’t get it,” but sometimes I get really annoyed. This is what YOU want to do and it has nothing to do with those people who don’t think you should! Maybe you guys should start mentioning how much money can be made doing this. lol.
And Lacey, next time your bf says something like that, BEAT HIM with ms #1, will ya? He LET you write the first one? Argh!!!
Andrea, your DH is a keeper. Steve reads my books too and is so very, very supportive. My mother used to let me stay up late as a kid to read or write. My father even helped with a scene in For the First Time (the horse shoeing scene) and tried to read the book, but he’s not much of a reader — thank God! lol. My sisters read me — except one won’t read the vampires, but she buys ‘em (gotta lover her). My oldest sister thinks she needs to keep me humble. lol. As if people tearing me to shreds on message boards/review sites doesn’t do a good enough job!
Anyway ladies, stick to your guns. Every one of us with a book out there is proof that it can happen to YOU too!
hugs!
August 25th, 2006 at 10:52 amIt’s often difficult and painful when people who matter to you don’t support your goals or dreams, but I can say this: for most of my life I’ve wanted to do things I’ve had to defend in some way—for example, as a woman playing guitar in bands I came up against a lot of resistance and sexist behavior, and as a romance writer, I’ve encountered a lot of misperceptions and insulting assumptions—but all of the resistance only made me more determined to succeed, and ultimately made me stronger, solidified my sense of self and helped me realize how important my goals were to me, regardless of who did or didn’t approve of them. So in a way, all the resistance I experienced, though difficult, was a gift. It’s like weight training—you only build muscle through resistance.
Hang in there! You’ll prevail. 
August 25th, 2006 at 12:44 pmThank you ladies.
This is one reason I began this group because I saw how families could treat a person. Their support was so lacking that I figured other women might need a place where others would understand their pains, troubles and joys.
Now my husband is supportive of me. He actually reads what I write and gives me his opinion. He has even read the sexy stuff hehe, his reply was “can we try that?”
It’s so annoying to know that the in-laws think that if I do something I should make millions right away. When they found out I was writing a book they 1) got annoyed cause I was on the pc all the time instead of doing yard work (hello my health isn’t good enough for that kind of heat) and 2) the mother-in-law got all red in the face and said “that damn book better not have anything about us in it”. My thought, woman you aren’t interesting enough to write about or to make me laugh, I’m not writing about evil creatures that suck the life out of you..I’m writing about vampires hahaha.
Anyhow as I’ve told Michelle before and all the ladies that have come to me needing support or help that we are always here to help. No matter what. That’s the idea behind this group.
Haven *steps off her box”
August 25th, 2006 at 12:57 pm((hugs)) Haven, I’m here whenever, for it’s all worth most of the time all I do is tell that things will be ok.
Thanks to all of for sharing your thoughts here.
Isabel
August 25th, 2006 at 1:15 pmHaven said: My thought, woman you aren’t interesting enough to write about or to make me laugh, I’m not writing about evil creatures that suck the life out of you..I’m writing about vampires hahaha.
LOL!! Thanks for putting a smile on my face, Haven.
(((hugs)))
August 25th, 2006 at 2:29 pmWell looks like I’m definately not alone in this problem. I’m so glad that I have a supportive husband who told me flatout “To hell with them! They don’t read it, or wanna read it ,their loss! I’m here for ya!” What a guy!
And my older son Patrick is such a hoot. When I got the RI mug I told him who all my friends were on the mug and he said: “Have you published your book yet?” lol. He can’t wait to brag about his mom. “She’s writing a book about a boy and girl who meet, fall in love, get married, and have kids.”
Michelle
August 25th, 2006 at 3:26 pm” [Patrick] can’t wait to brag about his mom. “She’s writing a book about a boy and girl who meet, fall in love, get married, and have kids.”
OMG, your son is so cute and sweet, Michelle.
August 25th, 2006 at 4:04 pmIsabel
My heart goes out to everyone who doesn’t get any support for their writing.
My family doesn’t have a problem with me writing, and I think they think it’d be kinda neat if I got published. So that’s nice.
The only thing is that sometimes I feel as if they think I ‘could do better’. As if romance isn’t ‘good enough’. But I don’t see why any other genre (horror, crime etc.) should be valued any higher than romance.
You should write the kind of story that you want to write, and that’s the end of the story. If someone doesn’t like to read romance, that’s fine. But don’t judge the people that do.
I don’t go around thrashing chick-lit readers just because I don’t read it myself. I don’t thrash readers of sci-fi because I don’t read that either. So why do they feel that they can thrash us?
Emily
August 25th, 2006 at 4:29 pm*hugs* Michelle.
My father shares much the same opinion; he thinks romance is “soft-core porn” and trash. I’m not going to waste my time trying to convince him otherwise, but thankfully, at least he doesn’t try to tell me I should stop writing it. He’s at least supportive of my pursuing my goals and dreams, even if he doesn’t approve of them.
August 26th, 2006 at 10:13 amYou should write the kind of story that you want to write, and that’s the end of the story. If someone doesn’t like to read romance, that’s fine. But don’t judge the people that do.
Exactly!
Isabel
August 26th, 2006 at 10:37 am